


Miscommunicate

by MoonGalleon22, youngavengersbigbang



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-30 04:09:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonGalleon22/pseuds/MoonGalleon22, https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngavengersbigbang/pseuds/youngavengersbigbang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Different people react to stress differently – some people overeat, or smoke, or any number of things. Few people have the reaction of shapeshifting uncontrollably, and Teddy’s more than slightly bothered by it. When confronting him about it doesn’t work, how can Billy help his partner through this? And is there anything he can actually do about it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miscommunicate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cris-Art](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Cris-Art).



> **Warnings/Triggers:** Body and self-esteem issues.
> 
>  **Notes:** Many thanks to the housemate, who helped me come up with the general structure and theme of the fic back when time was running out and I still had nothing to go on. Much love and gratitude to my betas, Ari and Mags, who reassured me that this wasn’t just a steaming pile of crap.

 

Things had been more than a bit stressful ever since they both became full-time Avengers.

They were still called out each night on patrols, and for the most part, it was no different than how their days as Young Avengers went. Most of it was the nice sort of heroing – the kind where they went out, kicked some ass, and could come back to the mansion for pizza and laughs before going to bed. It was the kind where they still had social lives, space to wind down and talk and just be. That kind of heroing.

But neither of them could quite get over it when they had to do The Other Kind of heroing. The “saving all of creation from Galactus” kind of heroing. The “pitting yourselves against suicidal odds and hoping that you and everyone you love gets out the other side okay” kind of heroing. The “our only hope is a miracle” kind. To say that it was tiring was putting it lightly.

It was after about three runs of this that Billy started seeing the kind of effect it was having on Teddy, and to say that it was a little bit worrying was, again, putting it lightly. It amused him, at first, but only a little – considering that most people had acknowledged the universe-altering power that Billy had, he found it almost sweet that Teddy still tried to protect him like this.

It was when Teddy nearly smothered a common thug with his arms for trying to sneak up on Billy that the mage started to get worried.

Teddy’s arms stretched to a fantastical distance and wrapped around him and spread out, more liquid than Billy had ever seen him. Billy muttered a spell under his breath to teleport the man out of Teddy’s hands, and it was only when the fight was over that he had the opportunity to grab Teddy’s arm and growl “What the hell was that?”

“What was…?” Teddy asked, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion, before the realisation crossed his face, and he looked away. “He was going to hurt you. I couldn’t let him hurt you.”

“Yeah, but what was that about Avengers not killing? Or do you forget that every time someone looks at me funny?” Billy said, the accusation backed up by the threat of his eyes glowing a steady blue.

“Billy, I didn’t actually mean to. I tried to grab him, I just…” Teddy spluttered, throwing his hands up.

“You didn’t mean…what do you _mean_ , you didn’t mean to? Teddy?”

That Teddy said nothing and simply walked away did nothing to make him feel any better.

Billy had been willing to write it off with a simple “it was just the one time” excuse, except that it wasn’t just the one time. The next time it happened, Teddy’s hands turned to claws and he only just managed to turn his attempted grab into a punch. The time after that, his wings grew larger than was apparently expected and he hit Kate in the face. Every time, Teddy would quietly apologise, but it just got worse rather than better. And every time, Billy froze and said nothing.

He realised he had to say something at some point when Teddy struggled to turn back to normal.

It had been just after another “have a wonderful imminent death” type of mission, and it had been one that had shaken Billy less than he thought it would, considering that it was his death in particular that was looming scarily on the horizon. But coming out of that void victorious made him forget the danger almost entirely – how could he be worried about his own life, when he’d just saved the lives of every other being on the planet? Even if he had died, he figured, it would have been worthwhile. More than that, it would have been the best thing he’d ever done – having survived, that was basically how he viewed it. But despite how he viewed things, it was incredibly hard to ignore how jumpy and overprotective Teddy became afterwards.

This latest fight, the one where everyone started to realise there was something wrong, was a tired old rerun of the same – this time it was Baron Zemo, and all it really took for them to win was for Billy to perform a binding spell and Teddy to punch him, hard, in the ribs. Simple enough, after everyone else had cleared away the minions. But it was when everyone was winding down that it happened.

“Teddy? You don’t look so good. Are you alright?” Billy had heard Tommy ask, sounding honestly worried for once. Billy looked around, and Teddy was still huge and green, and his blue eyes were filled with…fear? Nerves? Shame? Billy figured it was a mix of the three as Teddy gripped his arms with sharp nails and took several deep breaths.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just – give me a sec?” he asked, and after repeating a few more cycles of deep breathing, he let out a shuddering breath and shifted back down to his usual size. He straightened up and smiled, but the expression was so fake that Billy had no idea how anyone could fall for it. When Teddy approached him, he grabbed his arm.

“Teddy, please, what was that?” he implored, and Teddy’s face crumpled.

“Billy, please, it’s nothing. Just – I can deal with it by myself, okay?” he said, before trying to put on the fake smile again – actually shapeshifting his face to hold the expression. “You don’t need to worry, it’s my problem and I’ll fix it.”

Just like every other time before, Teddy walked off, and Billy didn’t say a word.

He trod on eggshells when Teddy was upset, it was something they both knew he did. But even as adults, even after getting better at this whole “communication” business, it was still something that Billy struggled with. He knew his words had power – more power than any other human alive – and he knew to pick his battles carefully. If he said the wrong thing over something like this, even without the idea of magic being involved, he knew how much damage he could do. He knew how Teddy would take it. His boyfriend could be so self-deprecating sometimes, and Billy knew that he’d blame himself.

And, sure enough, their first talk on the subject had gone just as catastrophically as Billy had expected.

“Teddy? Can we talk about that…that thing you do?” he’d asked, cornering the man in the changing rooms.

“That…oh,” Teddy had sighed, his eyes downcast and hurt. “Yeah, I know, it’s stupid of me. You don’t have to worry, though, it’s not…”

“What, not important?! Teddy, this is a huge problem, and we need to…” he started to rant, only stopping when Teddy cut in.

“Yeah, I know it’s a problem to you, but I can sort it out myself. Just…don’t worry, okay? I don’t want to trouble you.” And before anything else could be said, Tommy had entered the room and Teddy was smiling like nothing had happened.

Billy just sighed, and mentally kicked himself. He had to approach it carefully, but he had no idea how.

_\--_

The minute Teddy realised he had shifted without meaning to, he started to hate himself all over again.

He’d spent so much of his time seeing Billy throw himself into almost-certain death that he’d started jumping at his own shadow. The last time it happened, he was able to give Billy one final kiss and embrace before he flew into the void, and the thought that it might have been their last tore him to pieces inside. And it wasn’t just relief or joy that he felt when Billy glowed with cosmic light and vanquished Earth’s foes – it was fear that Billy would do this over and over again until he finally did die, and shame at how he was so useless to protect the man he’d die and kill for.

And how could he protect Billy if his body didn’t do what he wanted it to do when he wanted to do it?

His body hadn’t done this since he was a preteen. He remembered the first ever time he shifted, it was to stop a glass falling off a table, and he was only just able to pull his hand back and dash into his room in time to see his fingers elongate, almost drip off of his hands as they stretched and stretched and just kept going. It took a few months of near-misses and existential horror before he was able to control it enough to not turn into people and things he was thinking about, and only a few more to realise how this made him a freak of nature compared to everyone else. And oh, didn’t he burn inside with the need to be like everyone else. At least, right up until Billy told him that his eyes were like opals and he’d always liked boys with a little bit of pudge on them.

Still, he wondered sometimes if he’d accepted his role as “defender of the universe” with a bit too much gusto. Because he could heal – could survive near anything, they realised – so having him risk his life wasn’t that much of a bother (although having found this out through a Doombot showing him his own beating heart wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience).  He could reform and recover in minutes, and all the evidence would vanish from everywhere except his own thoughts. As much as he knew Billy hated it, he didn’t mind sacrificing himself.

When his partner did it, however, it felt like the world was imploding and nothing and no one had any meaning. With Billy, the only limits to his powers were the ones he placed upon himself. Teddy wanted so hard to believe that this made them both as close to immortal as mere men could possibly get, but in the world they lived in, not even gods were immortal, and Billy was just that much more likely to die than Teddy was. To say that it scared him was like saying that The Room is a bad movie – a fairly obvious understatement that left out the deep, ever-present horror that came with it.

He’d been fine, right up until Billy asked him what it was he’d done during the fight.

“What was…?” Teddy had asked, honestly confused. Even with the anger in Billy’s eyes as an incentive to cast his mind back, it honestly took him a moment to filter through the events of the fight. It was easy to mentally switch off during times like that, to let himself flow and crush on impulse, but the way Billy said this made him think that maybe he’d done something more than that. And then he remembered it, going to grab the man and instead constricting and squeezing.

His immediate thought was that the man had deserved it. “I couldn’t let him hurt you,” he’d growled, but then he realised what Billy was really saying, and the back of his head felt hot and fuzzy with fear. He’d brushed it off as much as he could, but over the next few weeks, it just kept happening, more obviously each time. When it happened, he would try and focus on what it felt like to be himself, his normal self, and almost think himself smaller – detailing the changed in mass and height and colour that were needed to make him himself again. And at first, it was easy enough to do – remembering what he wanted to be just in time to make it so. But soon, after a few weeks had gone by, it became this insurmountable obstacle, where he thought and thought and nothing happened.

And each time, his only thought was that he couldn’t bear to lose control.

Losing control, to him, meant that he was no better than an animal. That his body was driving its own reins and that he would eventually bow to whatever it wanted. And more than that, it stopped him from protecting Billy. He knew Billy would argue that he didn’t need protecting, that he was strong enough on his own, but he felt it anyway. Losing control, to Teddy, meant losing everything he’d worked for and everything that really mattered, and it made him feel useless and pathetic in a way that he hadn’t done in years.

The conversation they’d had made it worse for him, rather than better, and it felt like an icy blade in his gut, hearing how hurt and affected Billy was by it. A _problem_ , he’d said. Something to fix, something to change. But what if he couldn’t change it? He knew that it was probably just stress that was doing it, made worse from all the obsessing he was doing over it and what it meant for them, but what if this was something his body would always do from now on? What if this was a natural stress reaction, whether he liked it or not? The implications piled up on top of each other in his mind – what if he became useless as a superhero because he couldn’t control his powers anymore? What if people got hurt or killed because he failed to protect them? What if Billy decided he didn’t like it and left him? What if it got Billy killed? So many what ifs. He knew they fuelled the problem at hand, but he literally couldn’t stop himself – they were thoughts that shoved their way into his mind when he least expected it, and refused to leave when he tried to dislodge them.

He hated himself, pure and simple. His body and mind did none of the things he wanted them to do, and he hated how it made him doubt both himself and Billy. Billy didn’t need protecting, and he certainly wouldn’t hate Teddy for it, but after years of trying to be perfect…

Teddy kept it to himself, and counted down the minutes until everything collapsed around him.

\--

As predictable as it may have been, in hindsight, there was no catastrophic collapse.

It had been weeks after Teddy’s shifting problems had emerged, and it would be many more before they stopped completely, but the biggest step towards a resolution came when they were still snuggling in bed. There was a bang from outside the window, and Teddy shifted before he could even realise he’d done it.

They’d been lying in bed, talking, laughing – winding down from the stresses of the day enough so that they could sleep. It was nights like these that Billy loved the most, when he saw the tension leak away from Teddy’s body and his smiles come easier and sweeter, nights where they could fall into each other’s arms without a care in the world. They were the ones that made all the fighting and fear worthwhile – regardless of how horrifying the night was, the rising sun brought peace with it. It had been one of those nights, and Billy figured in hindsight that maybe he should have seen something like this coming, because then the bang resounded across the street, and it stopped being one of those evenings and started being an entirely different one.

They both bolted upright, and their powers kicked in almost immediately. The form Teddy took on was his default Hulkling form, with the added claws and bladed shoulders. It didn’t surprise Billy at all to see – still, he started to chant “Iwanttoknowwhathappened,” and before his eyes he saw someone accidentally filling a tire with too much air. He sighed with relief, before giggling.

“False alarm, it’s nothing,” he said, taking Teddy’s hand in his. “You can shift back now,” he prodded, before seeing the look on Teddy’s face. It didn’t look at all relieved, and he looked more afraid than Billy remembered seeing when they weren’t on the field.

“I’m trying to, Billy, I’m – trying – I can’t…” Teddy choked, his skin changing and then reforming back into his Hulkling state, seemingly against his will. He screwed his eyes shut and focused, and his skin looked like rain on the rolling seas, rippling and flowing with no pattern or control before he gave up trying to turn back. The tears came more easily than he wanted, and he pulled his hand from Billy’s grasp so he could bury his head in both of them.

Billy lifted his hands up, hesitating, still not knowing after so long whether Teddy wanted to be touched or left alone when he was like this. He settled for resting his hand on Teddy’s arm, not sure what to say other than what ended up coming out of his mouth – “Teddy, are you alright?”

Teddy shook his head, his face still hidden. “I’m sorry, Billy, I’m so sorry,” came the muffled response, and his shoulders started to shake. “I’m just so – how can I do this when I’m so useless?” He shrugged off Billy’s hand, and continued to cry.

“What? Teddy, you’re not – who told you that?” Billy spluttered, confused, before his hands clenched in anger. “Because I swear I’ll…have _very stern words_ with them, or…”

“No, no, no one said anything, I’m just being stupid,” Teddy sobbed, finally looking up. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be like this, I’m terrible.” He’d failed. Fuck, he’d failed, and now everything was done, everything was going to fall apart all around him and Teddy knew this was going to happen but that didn’t make it any less – well. Technically, Billy’s response was the more logical one, even if Teddy knew he was blinded to it until now.

Billy took Teddy’s hand again – still clawed and so much larger than his own – and looked him in the eyes, trying to understand. “Teddy, you’re not terrible – I love you, you don’t need to be perfect for me to love you.”

Teddy just shook his head. “I just hate that this is a thing now, that this is a problem because I can’t protect you this way and I hate that so much. I can’t bear to see you hurt, but it’s going to happen if I don’t just get a grip on myself and I hate that,” he said, all in a rush, before he again tried in vain to change back.

“Teddy, I…how long have you felt like this?” he asked, as it slowly dawned on him that this wasn’t something new, this was something he could have helped Teddy with before.

“I…a while,” Teddy confided, before trying to wipe the tears away with his clawed, scaled hand. “This is ridiculous, I’m sorry, I’ve just gone and upset you…”

“Teddy, look at me.”

He did, and Billy just smiled and held Teddy’s hand in both his own. His fingers stroked along the ridges of it, taking their time in poring over the many lines and dips and edges that covered that expanse, and he looked his partner over with a gaze full of the warmth that he sometimes couldn’t express.

“Take a deep breath. I’m here, and I always will be here. I’m not going anywhere, and you haven’t done anything wrong,” he comforted, and he cut Teddy off when he opened his mouth to object. “You haven’t done anything wrong, and I’m here for you.”

They stayed like that for several minutes, and Teddy felt his immediate fears drain away with every stroke of Billy’s clever fingers. Still, he hadn’t changed back, and after a while, he asked “So, how do you propose I change back?”

Billy grinned. “Maybe you could try just…one bit at a time? Rather than trying to do all of it at once and stressing yourself over it, just do what you can?”

Now that he was calmer, with Billy’s hands on him and those words working their magic on him (and he could never be sure if it were literal or metaphorical – times like this, he really didn’t care), he thought it over. He imagined not having wings, and they folded back into nothingness. That was good. He willed the plates in his shoulders to sheave themselves behind his skin again, and once they slotted back into place, his confidence shot up. Before he realised it, all that was left to change was his hand, still gently cradled in Billy’s lithe digits. He smiled, and Billy laughed with joy and relief as the claws retracted and Teddy was his true self again.

Billy reached across and hugged Teddy, the two of them staying silent for a while before he spoke up again. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Teddy asked, wrapping his arms around his partner. “You didn’t do anything.”

“That’s exactly it, though!  I didn’t do anything!” Billy shouted, his fingers digging into Teddy’s sides. “And I could tell that something was wrong, for a while I’ve know it, and I didn’t say anything. I’m sorry for that.”

Teddy ran his fingers through Billy’s hair. “Why didn’t you?” he sighed, almost ashamed at how obvious he’d been. Billy laughed, bitter and dark as chocolate.

“Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I tried to, a grand total of once, and I made it sound like you were doing something wrong. I didn’t try again, and I guess I assumed you were more fragile than you are,” he confessed, and Teddy grinned.

“Well, it’s the same with me, really. I need to protect you, and the idea of you…I hate that. But then, you can protect yourself, and I can’t protect you at all even if you couldn’t.”

“Teddy…I appreciate it. I do. In fact, I like the thought of my big, strong man taking care of me,” he teased, his fingers dipping down Teddy’s shoulder and across his sides. “And you certainly do a good job of it. But we’re both equal here, sweetie, and I can protect you just as well as you protect me. At least, I should do. But again, I’ve not been doing my job right, and I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have…”

“Teddy, no. You’ve done nothing wrong, you aren’t useless, I’ve really fucked up and oh God, I love you so much.”

With this, he pulled Teddy into a powerful kiss, his tongue slipping between the shifter’s lips without warning. Teddy moaned, and the hand that had been so lovingly held came up to run through Billy’s hair, his own lips moving in earnest.

“I can assume that you’re not mad at me, then?” he asked, breaking away from the kiss and giggling when Billy lightly cuffed him on the head.

“I sure as hell will be if you keep apologising, sweetheart,” he joked, before leaning in and kissing Teddy again. “But no, I’m not mad.” He shifted so he sat between Teddy’s legs and started running his hands over his chest.

“Hmm, guess not,” Teddy sighed, before he pulled Billy closer and spread his legs.

Billy bit his lip to stop himself from giggling (he liked to think it also made him look sultry – it didn’t, but he supposed it was the thought that counted), before teasing Teddy, saying “You need me to prove all of this to you?”. Seeing Teddy just fall apart at the slightest touch like that made him feel so powerful and attractive, literally nothing was sexier to him.

Teddy’s hands started running up and down Billy’s sides. “No, but it’d be nice of you to do that anyway.”

The kisses they exchanged started out slow and sweet, tongues raising the white flag on their usual fighting, before they both became more daring, hands roaming down to tug at each other’s pajama bottoms. Billy moved closer and ran his lips up Teddy’s jaw, flicking out his tongue to lap at his throat before applying his teeth, feeling Teddy’s growl permeate through his skin, and it was like a lightswitch went off for the both of them, because the mood turned in a flash.

“Want you,” Teddy murmured as he pulled down the back of Billy’s trousers and groped his ass, rutting up with his hips at the same time. “Want you so much, need you…”

Billy gasped at the contact, before grinning at Teddy’s words. “Do you, now? Interesting how great minds…you know, they think alike and all that,” he stuttered, pausing as Teddy reached into his pants and started palming his cock.

Noticing they were both hard, Teddy laughed. “Yeah, I suppose they do.”

Billy kissed Teddy with a hardness that would have bruised anyone else, and he was reminded of how he loved that – as much as he controlled the world, it was impossible for him to mark Teddy’s skin with bruises or rope burn, and he loved how it reminded him of how difficult it was for anyone to hurt him. That Teddy bit back, however, and moved down to suck a mark into Billy’s neck, made the mage feel a lot better about the whole arrangement. Billy tugged at the waistband of Teddy’s pants, and he shrugged out of them before resuming his place at Billy’s throat.

Teddy grabbed Billy’s ass, laid down and pulled him close, reaching down a hand to guide Billy’s cock to rest at his entrance. Funnily enough, he liked doing that – he liked shifting his body just enough so that Billy’s cock would just slide in without any trouble, liked it for the days when he felt impatient or needy. He liked thinking that his body fit so easily with Billy’s, like it was just meant to be, even when he was cheating. Billy must have known what Teddy meant, as he pulled back and gave him a concerned look.

“Teddy, you sure you want me to…” he asked, before Teddy gave his ass another squeeze.

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve done this before,” he explained blithely, before he caught the brief look of worry on Billy’s face.

Teddy realised what it meant, and sighed. “Billy…I can do this. I know I can. Do you trust me?”

The worry lessened, and Billy smiled again. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” He took one of Teddy’s hands and laced their fingers together, pinning it above his head, before he thrust his hips forward.

Teddy sighed at the familiar feeling of making his body liquid and accepting, of being filled. He wrapped his arms around Billy’s shoulders, his partner’s weight on his stomach acting as a comforting presence, and as Billy started to pick up a rhythm, his senses started being flooded with stimulus: Billy’s gasps and cries seemed to travel from his eardrums straight to his cock; the feel of Billy’s skin sliding across his own and his fingers tightening their grip on Teddy’s own; the sight of him getting more and more dishevelled; even the smell of him, warm and sweet, made Teddy start to pant and writhe with pleasure. His legs wrapped around Billy’s torso, and Billy’s moans became more frequent as he moved faster and harder, and Teddy’s mind started to fog over as he reached up with his remaining hand and dug his nails into Billy’s shoulders.

The second he felt them shift and elongate into a point, he let go and gripped the bed, shredding through the mattress and slicing the springs underneath. Billy giggled, slowing down enough to make Teddy whine with need. “Wow, you really are into this,” he teased, and he tapped Teddy on the nose when the shape-shifter looked upset at himself. “I love you, and I love this. All of it. Every single bit,” he said, resuming his thrusts and chuckling to himself when Teddy cried out from it.

Watching Teddy literally change form in reaction to this made Billy growl with passion, and he picked up the pace as much as he physically could, losing all concept of rhythm and timing. They were both close, their harsh breaths mingling, and when they kissed, it was sloppy and broken up with half-uttered phrases of love and desperation. Just when Teddy didn’t think it could get any better, that the pleasure could be any more intense or all-consuming, Billy shifted his angle slightly, and suddenly it was better, so much more than he could ever remember, and before he knew he was doing it, his wings sprang from between his shoulderblades and tugged Billy down close as he came against their stomachs. For Billy, feeling Teddy clench around him and feeling the wings scratch along his shoulders was the final straw for him, and he too felt himself shake with release. 

After several moments of catching their breath, Billy moved to lie down in his original spot on the bed, grinning like a fool. Teddy’s wings slowly retreated, and he hesitantly uncurled his fingers, observing the damage.

“Ah. Well.”

Billy’s smile softened, and he kissed Teddy on the cheek before muttering “Iwanttofixthebed” to himself. He poked Teddy in the ribs, still cheerful. “Hey, you know that’s not the first time you’ve done that,” he remarked, kissing Teddy on the cheek when the comment alone failed to get a smile out of him.

Smile he did, however, although it wasn’t the kind of smile Billy usually expected to see after sex. “…I’d like to think that that was enough to help me, but…” Teddy said, hesitant. “But, well. You saw that just now. I need more time with that. That’s not a big problem, is it?” he added, and Billy buried his face in his partner’s neck.

“Teddy, the shape-shifting isn’t the problem, it’s how you were feeling about it. And it isn’t a problem because you’re behaving badly or something, it’s because you were hurt and I failed. But it’s okay, Teddy. Just like earlier, with your shifting – it’s better to do it in bits. And we can do it, I believe in that.”

Teddy had to smile at Billy’s words. It always astounded him how, the moment Billy said something like that, he would be instantly believed – and it wasn’t the sort of belief where he did it just to appease the mage, it was deep and unending. He didn’t care how Billy did it, whether it was a subconscious spell or just his talent with words, but it worked every time. It would be difficult, he knew that, and he had to do most of this work himself, but with Billy there to help him, it didn’t seem so scary anymore. Looked downright simple, actually.

They could look out for each other, and that was okay. He kissed Billy once more before turning out the light.

**Author's Note:**

>  **End Notes:** I was originally going to head up each segment with this Shakespearean type heading, like “Part the first, in which Billy Kaplan is not a damsel in distress and hasn’t the heart to say it”. REALLY GLAD I removed that, wow does it sound silly.


End file.
